Demeter's Grief

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

- William Congreve

As a maiden midwife student I really related to the Persephone story- the idea of exploring the underworld, finding magic in the star arrangements of the jeweled red pomegranate seeds. There was a romance in finding out what lies beneath, exploring the unknown and dark. I saw it as the necessary work for creativity, a metaphor for all birth. Going deep and emerging new. Initiation. Now, perhaps it is partly that I am a mother, I see it from Demeter's side. The tragedy of her daughter taken while picking flowers. Both the mother, and the midwife in me can feel under my skin the potential depth and power of a mother's grief. Demeter, so devastated she shuts down the green of the world for the length of her daughter's absence...every single year!!  Now, after my first few winters, I get that that imagery is no joke. Winter, a grieving mother. 

Death was more fun when it was a myth, instead of a season. Winter was new to me when I moved to Sweden. I had never owned a coat or seen the leaves change in Autumn until we lived here. I am from Florida, where Americans go to evade winter and death in their retirement by playing shuffleboard in the eternal sunshine, and lounging on inflatable rafts in swimming pools like Ponce De Leon's fountain of youth. I am not sure I am cut out for these winters. Maybe I am just bad at it, lacking training. Maybe it is just been a part of having babies, being home with kids in a country where few other mothers are. Not having anyone to talk to, not a single soul sister who knows what I mean, if you know what I mean! Maybe I just lost all the sparkle, creativity, or power I ever had and just suck now, and forever. Is it the Vitamin D? Will St. Johns Wort help? These are the questions you ask yourself after a while if you live somewhere where the sun may set at 3:30 in the afternoon. Shouldn't I relish the cozy quiet and warm my hands and heart sipping tea by the light of my wood stove, and knit in my rocking chair? I have the knitting needles, the awesome wood stove, the red cabin the woods, the tea. Why then did I spend my winter asleep, in agony of loneliness, or on facebook looking for something it can never give me? This makes me very cautious of my favorite escapist pursuit, planning alternate lives. If I can not enjoy this one, what makes me think any of my other invented options will help?

Winter is long, hard, and on a psychic level I become immobilized like Demeter, not sure I can have faith in the return of the light and delight. The last days of winter are like the end of labor, when you are lost and not sure you can really make it- it is just too much, it is not okay, it is stupid, and will never end and is probably not worth it anyway...as a midwife if a woman expresses that in birth, I recognize it as a signpost and feel a little rush of joy, for I know it means she is about to start pushing and the baby will soon come. The babies really do come come, despite the moment of doubt, and winter does end, despite the bleakness  within and without. 

The spring is really, really springing here, a rebirth, and not one that came to us with out labor. Today was truly warm, the first rabbit ears of young leaf buds are showing more than just a little bit, and the rhubarb has hit the point of rapid unfolding where you can see changes in it's growth from the beginning to the end of the day. Really, it is over. I am remember what it is that is okay and even good about this life in Sweden. Words can not say how my body responds to the sight of a little more young green on the birches. 

Now, as spring really comes upon us, I feel the sap running in my veins again, life returning, and can imagine how Demeter felt when Persephone returned. That, is also no joke, the joy a mother feels when her long lost child returns. 

Spring. Part of the cycles. Birth/Growth/Death, Maiden/Mother/Crone.

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

“How can one person be more real than any other? Well, some people do hide and others seek. Maybe those who are in hiding - escaping encounters, avoiding surprises, protecting their property, ignoring their fantasies, restricting their feelings, sitting out the pan pipe hootchy-kootch of experience - maybe those people, people who won't talk to rednecks, or if they're rednecks won't talk to intellectuals, people who're afraid to get their shoes muddy or their noses wet, afraid to eat what they crave, afraid to drink Mexican water, afraid to bet a long shot to win, afraid to hitchhike, jaywalk, honky-tonk, cogitate, osculate, levitate, rock it, bop it, sock it, or bark at the moon, maybe such people are simply inauthentic, and maybe the jacklet humanist who says differently is due to have his tongue fried on the hot slabs of Liar's Hell. Some folks hide, and some folk's seek, and seeking, when it's mindless, neurotic, desperate, or pusillanimous can be a form of hiding. But there are folks who want to know and aren't afraid to look and won't turn tail should they find it - and if they never do, they'll have a good time anyway because nothing, neither the terrible truth nor the absence of it, is going to cheat them out of one honest breath of Earth's sweet gas.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

Jonas Himmelstrand Interview -
March 4th 2012 - Sligo, Ireland
by WellBoyFilmsIreland

Interview with author and mentor Jonas Himmelstrand dicussing his reasons for leaving Sweden for a life in exile in Finland, due to the Swedish Local Authorities' alleged persecution of his family for engaging in homeschooling. Jonas has long been a critic of Sweden's much-vaunted child-care system and has travelled the world speaking on that topic as well as the benefits of attachment in childhood development.


Jonas Himmelstrand Interview - March 4th 2012 -... by

It was a long dark winter.

Cabin fever, defined: For the second winter in a row, for nearly 6 weeks, the only adult I spoke to who knew my name was my husband.



There are no stay at home moms in Sweden. For me, this means raising kids here has been a surprisingly lonely prospect. 92% of children are in daycare after age 18 months, and according to Jonas Himmelstrand, the advocate for parents at home with children and leader of the group Haro, "Home care is discouraged, and in a sense socially marginalized. Parents will be persuaded, during medical checkups of children, on government institution home pages and through media, that children above one year of age need day care for their development, and that parents need work for their well-being." This contradicts my cultural givens, personal experience, as well as developmental psychology that children under three do best with their parents. That being home with your parent is best if at all possible certainly until age three, and best if at least until school age. A parents nurturing makes the brain grow more. Children can also thrive with a care giver who really knows and loves the child. We had a wonderful nanny when my first was young, she no doubt loved my daughter and their relationship enhanced my daughters life and development. But our school here does meet that criteria for my youngest. Even with a 4:1 ratio of kids to teachers at our Waldorf school, it is not warm and nurturing enough for my three year old who clearly prefers home. I get it, I see the teachers do not understand her context, at the end of last year they did not recognize the word she calls her big sister who she plays with at that school everyday. In other words, they do not really know her, and could not be the caring personal assistant a young child needs to navigate the world. We benefit from the Swedish preschool by using the Waldorf school as a drop off play group for my girls, especially valuable in the absence of relatives that could watch the kids a few hours or friends we would play with if parenting in the more social world we had in Florida. And my 6-7 year old really does do great with a group of kids she can play hard with often. I am mostly home with my kids, but very few others are. I often find myself longing for the community of mothers and families I had in the USA that made this work of raising kids light and fun.

The one good friend I have here who has kids is a german literature professor. Education and language are her natural skills, and she spends lots of one on one time with her kids, so it did not surprise me that her kids had learned to read and write german, english, and swedish by age 4. Her oldest will reach school age this year and is not a fit for the swedish school system, since she is far advanced of the typical swedish child. So her family wishes to continue to teach the child at home, but since Swedes do not value being at home with young children, they are down right suspicious if you wish to be at home with an older one. My friend and her family will relocate to USA, shall I say flee, as if they stay and do not enroll the girl in school they will face fines and even the threat of imprisonment. I was rather hoping that the education law that passed in June 2010 and banned home schooling would not be strongly enforced, but Jonas Himmelstrand the voice of the Swedish home school movement and attachment parenting movement just fled the country under threats and fines of $26,000 a year for not enrolling his children in school.

This place is pretty, oh the red barns and canola fields and children skipping to school through the woods!!...but today I feel rather condemning. People do not socialize. Having barbeques here to extend my social circle results in quiet stares, and comments like "wow, this was such an interesting thing to do, why thank you!". I miss my friends, my people, and no matter how crazy the US is, at least you can be yourself and find someone to go along with it! I have a baby about to turn one, I am going to be doing this taking care of young kids thing a few more years and I can not stand to do it in isolation like this. Back home in the Florida sun there are people who love me who could meet me at the beach, or hang out and have a cup of coffee with me while our kids play, and provide the simple connections that sustain me.

I was admiring someone else's bloggy life from afar, dreaming of her town of Nederland, CO thinking maybe with more sun, English language, and friendly Americans this gig of being at home in the forest with kids would be more fun. But then she picked up and moved from loneliness. Funny how the pictures can convey the dream with out the emotion. I want to catch this blog up with all the pictures of the living the dream in Sweden, it has been good, I will fill in the blog so it is a record of our time here... but I think the clock is ticking, a count down towards our next phase of life....

We came here to get to know family, immerse myself and the kids in Swedish language and culture, and help out family. We have done what we came to do.

Sorry, got a three year old who wants me to drive her pretend train to IKEA. Not much time for blogging these days, so the story is not told in full!

Still Swede.

Being busy with three kids and a lot of travel adventures, as well as some grumpy feelings about plagarism of the blog name, photo ideas, and some content have kept me off the blog circuit.

But....I am returning from a long USA trip, and my dear friend has made me swear if I am going back, I will at least show her how it is going.

So expect me back once again!

But help me out...is this a mom blog, a Sweden blog, an expat blog, a midwife blog, a food blog, or a waldorf blog? I have periodically been of the mind to tighten it up and limit my ramblings to a more concise topic. Seeing other people take my blog name and my ideas and bring them to outlets like The Local and Sweden.se makes me wonder if I should do the same. So far this blog is just me and my not very well orchestrated thoughts off handly whipped out in a quick unartful post on stolen time between nap time and dinner time.

What do you think I ought to do?

Sweden in May

This is Sweden in May. It is the prettiest time in Skåne. I had to show you right now. I am doing the mega blog catch up and looking at my blog covered in winter pictures is deceptive and depressing. I must tell you how pretty it is here right now! So no matter that I am writing the easter post in drafts, let me fast forward to let you know it is green and alive here.

The Swedish flag, in Canola and Sky

The House in March from the Road

The same view two months later, in May, all lush and full of life.

Liliacs

The Liliac hedge

The view in our yard from the swings to the hammock

The view towards the trampoline in May

The Canopy on the walk near our house

Our Rhubarb and Apple Tree

Apple Blossoms in my Yard

At the university in Lund

So many Tulips

Tulips

Hawthorn flower

So many dandelion wishes!

But the thing about Swedish spring flowers, is they are over as soon as they start. A brief and brilliant beauty. Leaving you wishing for more.

The Waldorf School

A big part of this spring has been the Waldorf school. SwedeGirl is on her third year at this play school, and it was SwedeBaby's first year. I hoped to have her settled in by the time the baby came, and it worked great. At the end of pregnancy it was icy, dark, and gloomy out and I wanted to curl up and hibernate. The kids went off almost daily to school to play, sing, be fed, and go outside with someone who could bend over more easily than I to get their boots on. After the baby came, their attendence helped keep them busy and entertained while I laid in bed nursing and recovering. This worked very well. The children got to play, I got to gestate.

The 6 year old can climb up the big tree

The two year old does well on this nifty branch climbing structure.

They mostly just do free play, but they do do a few projects at the school for the 4-7 year olds. They planted plants, made soap, colored, and made wet felted balls this spring.

Spring Grass for Easter

Each Wednesday they pack a lunch and go on a walk, and have a picnic lunch out in one of the nearby wild areas.

The little kids eat at the picnic tables on the playground when it is not wet out.

The day goes like this:

8:00am- School Opens, Oatmeal Breakfast served until 8:45am

8:30- Free Play Indoors, teacher may be working on a craft or project the children can help with.

10:00- Circle Time. Little ones do finger plays and songs, the older ones do games and songs.

10:30- Tea Time. Children get warm herbal tea in teacups, rice cakes, skorpa (hard toasted bread- crackers), knackebröd (like swedish bread like wasa crackers), with butter or sesame paste.

10:45- Outdoor Playtime.

11:30- Lunch Time. Organic Vegetarian lunch prepared by school cook and served at the classroom dining table. On Wednesday the go out for picnic wit ha lunch packed from home.

12:00- For Little children, nap time. They nap in pram style strollers lined with sheep skins. For older children, it is quiet time- they lie on sheep skins and are told a story. After the picnic outing in the winter, the children get warm foot baths and foot massages with lavender oil.

1:30 - Snack Time. Fil (fermented milk like kefor), Proviva (fruit soup with cultures), something baked by the school cook, or fruit.

2:00 - Free Play outdoors, teachers may be doing work in the garden or yard the children can help with

4:00 - School closes for the day.

SwedeGirl carried this chicken around the whole day

The old hen house is a play house now

The kids love the chickens, and pick eggs and feed them

The new hen house was designed and built by the 8th graders as a class project.

The play ground, SwedeBabys class room is in the building in the background.

My Kids love lots of just Sand box time

The school leaves out boards, wooden pallets, old cable spools, buckets, wheel barrows, shovels, garden tools and cutlery the kids use for all kinds of things.

They make pretend soup and soap

Sunny Sandbox time!

This is their best friend, my girls share a playground so they usually play together, and this little girl is almost always at their side.

Wooden boards make a balance beam.

The rope swing

SwedeBaby's classroom

A little kitchen

A farm

Playthings

The adjoining classroom

The shared eating area

Dress up time!

There is a very deliberate and spiritually grounded method to everything in a Waldorf school. To learn more about Waldorf -Steiner Education, you can read a short summary about it here or read these original sources- lectures from Rudolph Steiner, the philosopher who founded Waldorf Education.

Introduction to Waldorf School Education

The Education of the Child in the Light of Anthrosophy

The Kingdom of Childhood

Education

Spiritual Grounds of Education