A Bonked Noggin and Test Driving the Swedish Hospital System I had my first mom medical panic moment, and an opportunity to test out the Swedish hospital care. As I am blogging retroactively, I'll tell you this happened Monday April 27th.

We have a ladder/staircase in the front hall, and after rehashing just the weekend before the potential safety concerns, and questioning the likelihood of the stairs posing a problem, the Swedegirl took a tumble from them- about 6 feet down to a tile floor. She was feeling quite sleepy from a weekend of late nights, and we'd ominously just finished a good round of "London bridge is falling down...falling down....falling down..." when I heard her make the first two steps and then a big crash.

I found her laying on the ground, not making noise, with her pupils large like saucers, which spoke to my inner biological programing to read, as bad, real bad....Of course she had JUST been to the eye doctor and had her pupils dilated that morning, so my ability to get a neurological reading from her pupils was all messed up, but let me say, finding a unresponsive kid with eyes wide open and dilated with a bit of drool coming out and making no noise is NOT REASSURING at all.

I thought it was bad right off, and my maternal instinct was to call for help even before going to comfort her. I fumbled with the phone, and got SwedeDaddy on the phone who sent his sister, who is a nurse and our neighbor, over. In the mean time, I called the emergency number, but they were no help at all. They took too long asking dumb questions when I needed to go be with the SwedeGirl, and clearly were not planning on sending an ambulance right now. I became pretty sure I could get help faster on my own than via any help they planned to offer, so I just hung up.

Long story short, she came to quickly and cried. I assessed there were no broken bones, and she moved her head/ neck on her own. She cried long and hard, and then went on to say how sleeeeeepy she was. It is not great to hear a kid with a head injury beg to go to bed. Then she puked, twice. This made me feel really freaked out, like we may be having a Natasha Richardson moment.

SwedeAunt drove us to the hospital. I fumbled getting car seats in, and made enough time to grab a 'snuggle thing' per the SwedeGirl's request, which was a good move as Tigger and a Care Bear brought her much comfort during her stay. All along the drive, the SwedeGirl was asking- "Where are we going?" The hospital, I'd answer. 'Why?" You bonked your head, I'd say. Then we would repeat this conversation every two minutes for the half hour drive. She did not remember the details of the morning- going to the eye doctor or school, or that she had fallen, or thrown up.

SwedeDaddy came from work and made it to the hospital before us, and briefed the nurse. He got a chuckle out of the fact that there is a "take a number" thing in the waiting room, but no obvious reception person. So Swedish- they love to have you take a number here! So he said he knocked on a nurse's office window, and just started talking instead. When I arrived with the Swedegirl, they had the emergency room all ready- we by passed the waiting room and went right to the room that looks like an OR. A quick check of vital signs showed she was stable, and not bleeding. She was still soooooo sleepy and having amnesia. The doctor told her it was OK to go to sleep now. I asked why people with concussions are supposed to be kept awake, and the doctor replied it is because they do not want you going into a deep coma at home. Oh. Now we were at the hospital that was apparently OK... Great...... Anyway, I asked the doctor- if she goes to sleep, all I want to know is that she will wake up. She will, the doctor reassured me. She said children with head injuries often just need to go to sleep and reset themselves a bit, and get distance from the injury. Sure enough, after a short sleep, the Swedegirl woke up. Not long after, she began talking and making clever observations. Slowly, we got reassurance her brain still worked just fine. But after two hours -at least- of not being so sure she'd be okay. I've never had a mom panic moment before that. Blood- after being a midwife it doesn't phase me- and I know you can lose quite a lot before it's an issue! Pain- I know how to handle people voicing pain! But brains- I don't like messing with the brain. Bleeding and broken bones, those you can fix. But brains, once broken, can't be fixed. So head injuries actually scare me. In the end, we ordered pizza in the ER room and Swedegirl got invited to stay the night for observation. By the time we got checked into her room, she was super-excited about the blue PJs they brought her, the free toothpaste and tooth brush, and the remote control bed. I was so happy to see her up and at 'em I did nothing to stop her from making the bed go up, down, up, down, chair position, flat....and over and over again, despite the fact that it may have been bothering the roommate on the other side of the curtain. I was feeling good it was not the beginning of the end....that she did in fact wake up, as promised. So she could play with the remote control bed all she wanted, as far as I was concerned.

Overall, the Swedish hospital made a few good impressions. One, somehow I felt less grossed out by the whole place than I am in American hospitals. It just seemed cleaner. The modern Scandinavian decor made it seem more like an art museum than a hospital. Second, I loved that there is a dedicated children's ER- no waiting with all the drunk accident victims, like in the American ER. Mostly just kids with fevers, in a kid friendly environment. And because we were in the kids' ward, every person was good at dealing with kids, and was kind and reassuring to us and our daughter. And lastly, in this land of socialized medicine, there was no one making decisions based on what our insurance would cover, or judging us or anyone else there for having or not having medical coverage. This was huge, I realized, as in the USA the staff will look down upon people with no insurance, medicaid, or the wrong health policy. It sets them up to think it's okay to treat patients differently- some people they treat well, and others they have a carte blanche to treat poorly. They even treat them to less medical care if it is not covered, and do so with a punitive, you deserve less attitude. So it was nice to notice that with out that variable of 'coverage', the medical staff had no experience treating anyone badly, and expected to offer everyone the treatment they needed and to do it with a good attitude. It was a relief to make the trip with out worry about what it would cost, if we were going to the right hospital for our health plan, or if we were going to have to pay a big deductible on our insurance policy. Or pay it all out of pocket if we were uninsured. We got settled in the big room, and I tucked the Swedegirl into bed, and headed home with the new baby. Her dad had a nice big comfy bed built right into the room so he could keep her company overnight. They even brought him a free toothbrush (no PJs, though)! They both had breakfast from a buffet in the morning, and then when I picked them up, she was playing in a really nicely decorated play room with a wooden kitchen and big tractors that rivaled the best preschools for decor and selection of toys. We were sent home with no special instructions, but decided to keep her from jumping, flipping, bike riding, and otherwise jostling her noggin for a good week. And all seems well.

Sometimes you are reminded it is just nice to have you and your loved ones alive and well in one properly functioning piece.

Walpurg Night
This amazing bonfire was held right in the middle of Lund's City Park on the last of April. The last day of April is known as Sista April/ Valborgsmässoafton, and the following day May Day/ Valborgs dag is an official holiday in Sweden. It is a celebration of the end of the darkness. The fire is meant to drive away all aspects of the darkness, including any bad spirits, witches, and ghosts that may be hanging around. The holiday has its roots in old Scandinavian traditions, but to integrate the observance by the locals into the Catholic calendar, it was renamed Valborg/ Walpurg as a tribute to a woman named Valborg who born in 710 was later sainted on May 1st.

My prior knowledge of May 1st celebrations is based on what I know about Beltane (which means Bright Fire), the cross quarter day between Spring Equinox and summer solstice. It was the beginning of pastural season, and here in Sweden there are still rituals for the releasing of the cattle into the pastures at this time of year. I know Beltane as a time for bonfires, and as an eve to celebrate fertility. It is said that on Beltane it was good to take to the fields and have a literal romp in the hay, right there on mother earth to really drum up her creative potential. Coupling rules were suspended on Beltane, so you were invited to break convention and get physical with whoever you pleased. I'd bet any vestige of that tradition went out with the Catholic renaming of the day. At any rate, we keep getting really excited about all the holidays in Sweden and welcomed another a three day weekend! I picked up the SwedeDaddy at 4:00 Thursday April 30th at work, and the parking lot was nearly empty, just about everyone had departed early. So we learned the main way people celebrate Sista April- by cutting out early and getting the most you can from a three day weekend.

Otherwise, as we drove through the countryside, we saw many farms with large bonfires. Traditionally, the old branches and debris left from winter are burned on Sista April, and everyone revels in the light of a big old bonfire. We choose to head into Lund for the bonfire and check that out, after reading that Uppsala and Lund have the best Walpurg celebrations, as they are the big student meccas. Well, student holiday= drinking, duh. City park in Lund was PACKED, and smelled like one big beer breath. We did our best to clear space by changing a baby diaper midairs in the middle of the crowd- nothing like a nearly newborn baby with a nakey butt to send the drunken college boys back a step. We ended up with a great spot to see the enormous fire, which was most impressive! We passed up the local smaller fire in the village to attend the one in Lund. In the future, I think we will choose something more local. My friend in Torna Hallestad said there was a lovely procession of children from the town square to a fire, and the kids all got a chance to throw branches on the pile to be burned. Sounds a little more our speed. And our friends in Ystad had a nice fire on the beach. In Malmo the celebrations are city scale, but there is a good children program I hear. But if you are 19, drunk, and looking for a raging fire, I can say Lund is the place to be! As for us, we got outta the park in Lund as fast as we could, and had a good time spotting many fires that were blazing on farmland as we drove home across the countryside. I think the ideal place to be Walpurg night would be alongside a family and friends at one of the farmland fires.

Another Visit from Uncle Geologist

Uncle John from Bristol came for another visit, and brought his lovely girlfriend Sarah. We had a fun visit, and a hike through the woods just as the first green was appearing, and the vitsippa flowers on the forest floor were still going strong.

We had a picnic on a hill top of preserved pasture land, with a nice view over the hilltops.

There is nothing like the fresh, first bright green leaves on the birch trees.

Quiet here on the blog, but life is Spring and Green and Oh so Busy and Fun. I know it's been a bit quiet here. I am having trouble downloading pictures, so as soon as I figure out the glitch look for a mondo post, or a blitz of many at once. Things have been fun and exciting around here. A visit from Uncle John, a concussion and hospital trip for the Swede Girl, new friends and friendly neighbors, visit from Swedes from Sarasota The Carlssons over at Blonde Cow and Catching Caterpillars, Walpurg night bonfires, a new car, tulips, cherry blossoms, and of course a cute new baby in the house. Check back soon, I will write as life and time allows!

Here are some quick shots from the Swededaddy's phone camera!

Earth Day
Buy the sky and
sell the sky and
ask the sky don't fall on me
- the band REM

Does anyone own the sky? When airplanes fly across the sky, they leave long white lines of exhaust, so much like clouds but too straight, too linear to be the work of mother nature. They are the work of man. Like scars across the clear blue. The exhaust clouds from airplanes insulate the earth so much they protect us from the greenhouse gas we create, so that when no planes flew for a few days after 9/11, there was a rise in the earths temperature of about one or two degrees Fahrenheit. Click here to read about this phenomenon.

So this is the problem. I love airplanes, they allow me to live across the world from my friends and family and still see them often. But they also guzzle fossil fuels and are changing the earth's climate.

It's Earth Day. And like most Earth days, I want to think of something nice to do for the planet. But I am also conflicted since it is all just so complex, since much of what I love is just bad for the world, like flying. I know I can just think of small ways to make things better and start there- compost, stop using plastic bags, bring my own cup....I know what to do. I could do more. But I also just want to acknowledge the weird feelings of overwhelm and conflict that come up for me on each Earth Day. Sure I can plant a tree, but I am likely going to drive somewhere to do it.

So Happy Earth Day- a day full of good intentions and weird conflicts, high hopes and hidden anxieties.

To observe the day, here is the perfect post modern tribute to Mama Earth. Below is a video of a famous speech usually attributed to 'Chief Seattle', a Suquamish leader that was in communication with the US government about the purchase of north western pacific lands in North America. It has since been learned that the actual response from Chief Seattle was quite different. Click here for the real text of Chief Seattle reply, that was printed in the Seattle Sunday Star on Oct. 29, 1887, in a column by Dr. Henry A. Smith, who was present for the delivery of the actual speech and based this version on notes he took on that occasion.

The words in the video below were actually written by Ted Perry in 1970 as part of the modern environmental movement. At the time Perry was a teacher at University of Texas, and was going to use the words as part of an environmental movie that was planned for the Southern Baptist Convention.

This speech hung as a poster in my house in college, and at the time I thought it was the words of the real Chief Seattle. The text is moving, regardless. The fact that it turns out it is not authentic, but is just a modern American's made up version makes it even more poignant for me. My modern world is full of copies, falsification, shams, and illusions. All the false representations that are part of our world are exactly why earth day is important to me. I have a sense you have to work to even know what is real in this world these days. I mean is that red coloring from delicious berries? Or is it from red #40, or E- some number or whatever?

The earth is real, alive, and responsive. In a plastic world, I appreciate the real live earth- her dirt and trees, plants and seas. Her berries, and the authentic sweet yummy red they offer.

Most of us long to connect to a piece of pure ancient wisdom, and to the natural world itself, but do not even know how to access it. I think we are right to suspect there has been earth wisdom lost that we can only imagine. So here it is a piece as it was imagined in 1970 by Ted Perry, and later pawned off to me as the words of Chief Seattle.

Even if things are weird, and climate change seems inevitable and unstoppable, I have a two little girls. They might grow up and have two little girls, who might have two little girls, who will want to go out and play. So you still gotta try, you still gotta do something. You still gotta think the planet is big, old, and resilient. I think she is able to absorb these anxieties of mine, and tolerate all of humanity's missteps, and still be there for us while we find our footing. So we will keep trying, no matter how hard it is to make changes in our lives, and no matter how small a difference it seems to make.

And we ask the sky, don't fall on me.

And the Next Day I felt....

Way better.

It was Saturday, and I got to sleep late, wake to a cute 4 year old inviting me for chocolate chip pancakes she made with her dad for us, a clean kitchen courtesy of the Swededaddy, and a fridge stocked with the basics thanks to the grocery truck that drives around selling food (which deserves a post of it's own). Not to mention 'Barnbidrag' the money you get for each of your kids in Sweden had magically appeared in the bank account over night, and there was another deposit from SwedeDaddy's work- money for meals the company would reimburse him for. We ended up in town, hanging on a well populated playground enjoying sun with the city dwellers, finding a great Indian lunch buffet, and eating delicious coconut Italian gelato while watching the people near the train station.

Louise Hay says when you see your good appearing, do not be discouraged and say 'But that's not enough!', instead just notice the buds of new growth and new good, and celebrate saying 'Look, it's coming!'

So I give thanks for the little buds of change literal and figurative, cheering them on knowing they are new growth of the best kind, like the first signs of spring.

Today I feel like.....

A Frumpablobbic Bozo

Pig Pen

in the Kali /Destroyer Aspect

So, sometimes everything seems like it is on the edge of unraveling. Right now it feels like that special brand chaos has returned. I gotta a touch of it in my mind, my body, and my life. And in my kitchen sink. As a kid I sometimes felt like pig pen, like there were times there was a dark cloud around me that was like a tornado of destruction. Like I had the opposite of the midas touch, I had the pig pen touch, and everything I went near would crumble. In my college years, I came to relate the feeling with the goddess Kali. There were times I would walk down the street and the street lights would literally break and go out as I walked under them. It made me wonder if there is really an electrical component to my bad ju ju days. It made me afraid to even be near the plants at times, like they were gonna just keel over at the vibe of me. And now in my mom years, I have often felt like the little girl in the bozo suit. Honk.

Today, I gotta a touch of each one in me.

So if everything feels like it is unraveling, well, isn't my own fault for mentioning the goddess Kali in my easter post??? She loves to show up when she thinks she is invited.

Our only car is (still) broken and gonna cost $4000 to fix, my dad is sick, and my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and globbed up with spaghetti goo and eggs because our last two meals were ones of last resort (you know you need to shop when you are down to just noodles and eggs!), and I am in the postpartum shift from 'wow, I lost so much weight so fast birthing that baby!' to 'when is the rest of it coming off? soon, please?'. It is downright frumpablobbic-pig pen-Kali-licious over here today.

So I am comforting myself with a song.

I spent an hour or more trying to figure out how to embed the song to share. But trying to figure out new technology only made me feel less organized, and more incompetent. So if I could, I would play you this song- petit poulet, or little chicken. I feel a little chicken today- the sky is falling, you know!! I will put the lyrics here instead- a little Sinead O'Connor to remind me the moon is still in the sky, and ground is still underfoot, and still holds me. And I do not need to hold up the moon myself. So go find the song online yourself, and hit play, if you wanna hear it. It is a good one.

'There isn't any answer to the question, you only learn learn to live with it. But the voices are heard of all who cry. '

Waaa!

Petit Poulet
by Sinead O'Connor on Gospel Oak EP

Petit poulet
Tout c'est okay
Maintenant bebe tout c'est okay
The life you left behind won't find you
The love you kept inside will come
And even when your own heart blinds you
Nothing undoes the work you've done
The sun's still in the sky
The moon is there at night
The ground is still underfoot
And still holds you
Petit poulet
Tout c'est okay
Maintenant bébé Tout c'est okay
There isn't any answer to the question
You only learn to live with it
There isn't any answer in religion
Don't believe one who says there is
But... The voices are heard
Off all who cry
I am around you as love in the night
Kissing your plight
Baby child
Kissing your plight
Kissing your plight
I am the sun up in the sky
I am the moon also at night
I am the ground under your foot
I am holding you Petit poulet
Tout c'est okay
Maintenant bébé
Tout c'est okay